fridge rape and how to not be a douche
I’m in a fairly grumpy, sarcastic mood right now thanks to having eaten nothing but apple sauce and jello for the past three days (wisdom teeth extractions = bane of the human existence) and the wind that is threatening to rip off the patio overhang and knock out the power at any given moment. I’d rather be hibernating through it all (and the rest of the damn winter, minus Christmas), but I figured I could hop on for a bit to bitch about shit I mean, make a nice, optimistic post on tumblr. :)
The best I could come up with is a list of all the food I can’t wait to eat once I no longer have the possibility of infections and dry socket to worry about (ew). Despite my size - I’m five foot eight and weigh just over 115 - I LOVE to eat and it’s absolutely killing me that I have to stick to liquids. My stomach just feels gross and sloshy after every “meal”, not happy and full. I want bacon and grilled cheese sandwiches, lasagne, beef and macaroni casserole, lumper (and Indonesian dish consisting of chicken and spices rolled in jasmine rice), SUSHI, butter chicken, calamari, spinach salad, McDonald’s cheeseburgers and fries, sweet potato fries, peach slices, popcorn, sour patch kids, fettucine alfredo, macaroni and cheese, baked potatoes, pancakes, waffles - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. Long story short, my fridge will be the victim of heinous rape once I’m able to chew again.
Also, I’ve decided I need to start adding little life rules in every post just to be especially obnoxious. The ongoing project will be called How To Not Be A Douche And Avoid Making People Hate You 101. I’m a cheeky bitch like that. ;)
But hey, at least I’m honest!
RULE #1: DON’T TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY. We all have a girl like that in our lives - you know, the one who gets offended by the stupidest things and has an ego that is fragile to the point that we simply avoid saying certain things because we KNOW she’s going to get pissed no matter how gently we put it. But then - guess what! - when she finds out that something was being kept from her, she gets mad anyway and the whole thing becomes a lose-lose situation.
DO NOT be this kind of girl. EVERYONE hates this and eventually you’ll end up with no friends if you keep on going like that. Trust me. In high school there was a girl like this in my group of friends but now none of us talk to her because we’re so sick of walking on eggshells. Get over yourself. Keep your hormones in check. And then maybe people will like you more. I know I certainly would.
Until next time,
C.
